People Pleasers Are Liars

Jake Luehrs
December 13, 2025

ONE QUESTION

How do you make your pain useful?

ONE THING TO PONDER

Comfort has become the silent poison in the modern world.

ONE PERSPECTIVE

People pleasers are liars... just pause before you call me out.

I’ve been one of them, still am from time to time. And it makes sense why we do it.

Every time we say yes to something or someone simply because we don't want to upset them, we're lying to them and to ourselves.

I get it. Life requires compromise. Relationships require give and take. This isn't about becoming rigid or selfish.

I realize this isn't a zero sum game. At times in life, we need to bend a bit. Yet I see far too many of us compromising our own happiness at the expense of making others happy.

And then we blame others for not being where we want to be.

There is a very clear path to help offset the people pleasing disease.

Three Components of Setting Boundaries that Most Don't Entertain:

1. Get Specific

We are wishy washy and also say "I want more work-life balance." The truth? We’re typically more committed to not upsetting others than we are in holding our boundaries.

"I want better work-life balance" isn't a boundary. It's a wish.

It’s our job to teach people how to treat us…and if they can’t follow the rules, then we walk away. This sounds harsh, but I promise you it’s the path to the most freedom and true relationships.

2. Communicate it Clearly - To be understood by others, not just heard. There is a difference.

If people don’t understand our boundaries, we can’t blame them for crossing them.

Most resentment is predicated on a lack of boundaries. Think about it, someone you’re resentful towards, did they cross a boundary or a value?

3. Embrace the Consequences - This is where most boundaries die.

People will judge, they will be upset, they’ll call you selfish…and, so what?

Here's the hard truth: if you're not willing to accept the potential fallout of holding a boundary, you don't actually have any.

We aren't willing to lose a sale, upset a friend, and be judged, so our boundaries fold like a lawn chair...and then we blame others. (insert eye roll here)

The moment we’re more interested in being liked than respected is the moment we abandon what is true to us.

And that's not freedom. That's a slow suffocation dressed up as “kindness”.

The version of life you’re asking for is on the other side of boundaries you’re not currently holding.

As they say in Shawshank Redemption, “Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.”

Onward and upward!

PS - Share this with anyone you can think of that has done great things but may be struggling!

LEAD & LEARN : WEEKLY PICK

PODCAST

The Secret to Overcoming Imposter Syndrome with Mel Robins

Modern Wisdom

We cling to control and allow it to guide our lives. This was a bit challenging to listen to because of some of the ways I operate. It shed some light on the things that I resist unnecessarily. We hold on to things that continue to make us miserable simply because it’s familiar. This is worth a listen, to understand yourself and others better!