It's Not Me It's YOU

Jake Luehrs
March 29, 2025

ONE QUESTION

What impact does your inability to say no have on your life?

ONE THING TO PONDER

The person that hurt you, can’t heal you. - Pueblo

ONE PERSPECTIVE

What if you stopped carrying the exhausting burden of attempting to control and convince others?

Have you ever been frustrated by someone that doesn’t or isn’t doing what YOU think they should be doing?

That’s not a ‘them’ problem, it’s a you problem.

This edition is all about you keeping your peace, rather than ‘shoulding’ on everyone else and then being frustrated and judgy towards them. As Mel Robbins says, “Let Them.”

When we create expectations for others without their consent, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment while simultaneously violating their autonomy.

The very same autonomy we fiercely protect when others try to impose their expectations on us.

Ask yourself: How do you respond when someone tells you what you "should" be doing with your life?

That resistance you feel? Everyone else feels it too when you should on them.

We create expectations of others without their permission, and others reciprocate that as well.

The hard truth? We have ZERO right to hold others to standards they never agreed to.

The Hypocrisy We All Share

We walk around with invisible rulebooks for everyone in our lives:

-That friend who "should" reply to your message faster

-That colleague who "should" do things your way

-That partner who "should" somehow read your mind about your needs

-That family member who "should" make different life choices

It's very common that we get all ‘jammy’ when others don't do what we think they should...we get all spun up, make assumptions and judgments, and act as if we know what is best for them.

WE DON'T.

We control very few things in life, yet the things we do control are significant.

Here's the liberating truth I've finally embraced after years of frustration: I control exactly TWO things in my entire existence:

1) My thoughts

2) My Actions

Everything else? It's a mirage of control that slowly poisons my peace, my relationships, and my happiness.

The hardest question: Where in your life are you cleaning everyone else's room while yours remains untouched?

Imagine the peace that awaits when you finally understand: everyone is entitled to their own journey, even when it doesn't match the script you've written for them.

Onward and upward!

Jake

PODCAST

Yung Pueblo- The Art of Unlocking your Inner Peace

Modern Wisdom

I’ve been on a journey of positive impact for a couple of decades now. I’ve achieved a lot of great things, made a lot of money, and had a lot of titles. None of them are worth it when they contradict my peace. I’ve learned that I’ve gained more professional success when I’m aligned within before I start doing all the external stuff. If you’re on a similar journey and just are experiencing the joy in that process, this may be worth your time.

BOOK RECOMMENDATION

Lighter
by Yung Pueblo

Since the podcast aligns, this was an impactful book I read years ago! I’ve recommended this book before, and it’s worth the second round. We can accomplish so much more in the read head and heart space, with joy when we are able to build ourselves in a way that is authentic and resilient. Well worth the read!